It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize