he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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