omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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