Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
