Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
