On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize