if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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