im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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