I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
