he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
