You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
