she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize