You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
