she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
