Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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