How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
