Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize