dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're a waste of cheezeits
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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