something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
