This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
