But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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