Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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