i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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