i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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