Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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