I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
