I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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