I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
