Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
