sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
