remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUCK WHALES
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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