proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
