I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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