ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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