i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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