there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
