For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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