who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
