I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
