That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize