i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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