I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
