I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are two peas in an std pod
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
