Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize