You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
