North Korea, Best Korea!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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