Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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