just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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