Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
