youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
