Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
