can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
