oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
