There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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