there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
