i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
