He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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