I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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