Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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