somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
