Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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