Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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