I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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