The maid of honor just puked.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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