capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
