And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
