Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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