1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
