Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
