dude i'm inner monologue high
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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