Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
