First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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