God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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