saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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