He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
