pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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