OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
