And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Never joke about your clitoris.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
