I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
