Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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