she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
