Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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