Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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