dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
