Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
