jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
