he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she peed on how many people?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
