i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize