your room smells of hookers.
And success
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
