i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
