GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
