Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
