Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
