everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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