Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
