Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
