I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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