i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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