I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
