just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
