Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
