If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
