Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
