Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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