Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
