I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
