Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize