What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
