I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
