Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
