I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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