I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There r osticjed everywhere
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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