Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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