I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
