Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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