I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
